Traumatic Events Aside; My Faith Endured - Part 3

What was is it between God and Job? 

God loved Job very much. He was proud of Job for being such a faithful believer. 

How do I explain that I think Job and I were separated at birth by a few thousand years?

Did God stop loving Job? Not in the least. If it were possible, God loved Job even more. and He wanted to prove how much Job loved Him. So, in a way God was showing off.

More to the point, God was showing Job off. 

Just like any parent who was proud of their child's accomplishments. Like any parent who wanted to tell anyone who would listen. You know the kind of parent; they especially want to show off if they think it'll impress the other person.

If you are a parent, you understand this concept very well. What parent could pass up a perfect opportunity to show off how proud they were of their child?

And, just like most children who don't understand what their parents were doing, Job was confused and didn't understand why God would do this to him. He was a good man. Even so, God picked Job to be tested.

"Was it unfair for God to allow Job to suffer over what was basically an argument between God and Satan?"

From Got Answers:  

"A surface reading of the book of Job usually evokes a reaction such as “Why is God making a ‘bet’ with the devil? God is being unfair to Job!” If we are honest and not just trying to defend God, He seems at first like some kind of cosmic ogre. God not only wagered Satan over the outcome of Job’s trials, but He actually provoked the bet (Job 1–2). To make matters worse, Job never finds out why he was afflicted in the first place. This is very disturbing for those who hope to see God as just, gracious and loving and not just “playing” with us as if we were pawns on a chessboard. So, in a way, the story of Job puts God on trial. To really understand what is going on in Job, we need to evaluate how this “trial” is litigated in the book’s argument." 

For further information, please click here.

Job’s friends and wife all told Job to curse God for the calamities that had fallen on him.

“His wife said to him, “are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job 2:9

“He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10

Job trusted in God, he concluded that trouble from God was better than comfort and ease without God. He was confident that God has his best interest at heart, even though he count not understand how that could be true in his present situation.

The Lord Himself said, “I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.” Isaiah 45:7

So where does that leave us in our current time? And, how does this fit in with my thinking Job and I were separated at birth? 


Well, let me tell you that God must be so proud me. That has to be the reason why my life has gone the way it has. Otherwise, what I learned about Job doesn't matter. And I don't believe that. I believe that God loves me and is proud of me.

Challenges and Trials of Suffering are God's way of building our Trust in Him.

I believe that it's absolutely true that bad things happen to good people. I also believe that God never gives you more than He thinks you can handle.

I just never realized I could handle so much in my life at one time. 


I know God has a plan for me. I continue to pray for guidance and direction to follow it, patience to wait for it, and knowledge to know when it comes.

God is working on me. I'm unfinished. As in the song by Mandisa.

God wants His voice to be the only voice I hear. I must listen for Him to speak to me.


God's timing is perfect; never early, never late. I must have patience, I must wait, I must trust.

When God permits suffering, He also provides comfort. I believe in Him, and I have faith that He will be my victory.







He is in control. The adage, "Let Go and Let God" is not something people "parrot" to give you comfort. It's guidance of faith.

"As long as you know that God is for you, it doesn't matter who is against you." -- Romans 8:31







One of my favorite verses is:


"I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." -- Philippians 4:13

I swear to you, don't lose sight of God's guidance. It may be subtle as the soft flutter of a ladybug's wing, or as wild as a massive storm in the middle of the ocean. Regardless, pay attention!

I sure wish I did.

Too bad I wasn't looking when he was showing me. It would have made things so much easier. But, then, this isn't about making things easy, is it?

Was it coincidence that I learned, almost too late, that I should have been focusing on my faith in God to set a path for me to follow?

I don't think so. I think, like Job, I had to experience all that I did to become the person I am now.

I needed to learn patience.

True justice requires patience. A lot of patience.






Do you remember this quote?

"Ours is not to reason why, ours is to do or die." 

It was by Alfred Lord Tennyson.








The same can be applied to Jesus when he said, "You don't understand what I'm doing now, but someday you will" -- John 13:7

Paul tells us in Romans, 

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” -- Romans 12:12

My life-long walk with Christ, as I trusted God and believed in His protective angels, put me through the following major traumatic situations. Through it all, Jesus was my ROCK. :

•   A sexually abusive adopted father from 
childhood to 13 years old – concluding in my first suicide attempt

•   After joining the USMC and transferred to Twenty-Nine Palms Marine Corps Base in California, I was drugged and repeatedly gang-raped by male marines (I refuse to use the capital ‘M’; they don’t deserve it.)

•   Surviving a cross over to death during my third and last childbirth - a son - in which I was on bed rest for the entire pregnancy. My son and I both nearly died. 

•   A car accident, in which I should never have survived - extracted, sent to the ER, with a compound compression fracture of the lower lumbar. Discovering Congenital Spinal Stenosis with no treatment option. Eventually the spinal canal will narrow to the point my spinal cord will be crushed and I will no longer walk.

•   An emotionally, physically abusive first husband whose last actions and words to me before I left, was a violent rape, him placing a loaded .357 handgun on the headboard of our bed and the words “Don’t close your eyes tonight, you might not wake up.”

•   A rear-ending by a Phoenix city bus that sent my three children and me to the hospital. We were crushed between the bus from behind and the car it pushed us into.

•   A hypnotherapist’s sexual abuse under treatment.

•   An unfortunate 2nd marriage, which I regretted as soon as it happened.

•   An emergency hysterectomy to remove a pre-cancerous cervix and uterus.

•   Stalking and threats from 1st husband and the Mexican Mafia - resulting in a judge and sheriff advising me to take my children and pack up, don’t tell anyone when or where, leave no forwarding information and get away in the middle of the night and go somewhere that my ex-husband and his connections to the Mexican Mafia could not find us. They eventually did and took my children away from me for nearly 6 years.

•   A life-changing, move across the country to Florida, discovering my soul’s mate - the water. A parade of unsuitable lovers in a desperate attempt to fill the void in my heart for someone to love. Another suicide attempt, after a particularly close relationship with a man 11 years my junior. 

•   Discovering my other half and the only man I could ever truly love in a twist of circumstances, where neither of us expected it. He helped me discover my real self, build my self-esteem, and grow with an adventurous spirit that rode a Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. He saw who I was way before I ever knew myself! I love him for that.

•    A brush with death again when I discovered a lump in my breast. The surgeon removed it to do a biopsy and only then determined it was benign. A golf-ball size benign tumor.

•   A life-threatening Thyroid Storm, resulting in Grave’s Disease and medically ordered bed rest in which I could no longer return to work.

•   Running my successful Technical Writing Consulting Firm for three years.

•   Another emergency surgery to remove infected ovaries, which threw me into premature menopause.

•   Beginning my successful career as a published author fulfilling a dream I had since high school.

•   Co-founding the Florida Writers Association.

•   Depression. Wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Medication Resistant Depression, Social Anxiety. Generalized Anxiety. OCD. PTSD. BED.

•   Many attempted suicides

•   Many hospitalizations

•   Two long term hospitalizations

•   Many ECT Treatments (one session was the focus of a local ABC news program during Sweeps Week)

•   Years long battle with lawyers to gain PTSD and disability due to being drugged and raped by 2 marines (Eventually, the final decision was MST (Military Sexual Trauma) PTSD with Major Depressive Disorder, 100% disabled and unemployable)

•   Chronic sleep issues (Insomnia & Narcolepsy) From childhood traumas, rapes, abuses, I knew if I closed my eyes at night bad things would happen, so my mind refused to let my body relax enough to sleep. Severe Narcolepsy episodes of Cataplexy, Sleep Paralysis, Hallucinations

•   Most recently diagnosed with SIADH (Syndrome of Inappropriate Antidiuretic Hormone) after over a year of low sodium, hyponatremia, hospitalizations for critically dangerous low sodium, many falls with fractures of hip, elbow, shoulder, etc.

•   Grieving the loss of 25 years of writing after a "perfect storm" of events caused my thumb drive, back up, and back up to the back up, to all be lost at the same time. This gave me an opportunity to have long talks with God about my future, what His plans were, where He wanted me to go, and how. This resulted in studying Christian Counseling and doing pro bono counseling, Find Your Heart's Joy Christian Counseling / Coaching was born.

•   I already have shown some signs of dementia, although nothing to cause concern, but we all know where it's heading.

•   Losing my best friend, soul mate, protector, and Emotional Therapy dog for PTSD & Anxiety after 14 years to cancer. 

See the final in Part 4

Traumatic Events Aside; My Faith Endured - Part 1

I earned my intimate relationship with Jesus Christ at a price most people would not or could not pay.

I struggled to survive, even before my mother gave birth to me. My biological father beat her and left her for dead in the middle of nowhere in a cabin with a dirt floor, no running water or electricity.

Her sister found her after three days where she lay in agony of dry birth contractions. My mother, immediately rushed to the hospital, unconscious, never saw how I fought my way into the world, breeched. It turned into a blessing in disguise for her to not endure any further pain. When she regained consciousness, I was there to greet her!

I fought then, and I still fight against adversity every day. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life is all cupcakes and parties every day, piles of money, no sickness or disease, and not a care in the world.

Believing in Jesus Christ, being a Christian, is so much harder. Not only do we fight for and defend our Christianity and beliefs against the world of non-believers, but also we fight Satan who no longer controls us.

I grew up in the church. I went to Sunday Services, attended church camp every summer, and was a member of the choir. Baptized at thirteen, still with a heart and mind full of questions.

Simple and easy are not the answers to my questions. If they were, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Where am I? Why am I here? And the biggest question – how did I get here?

It took me a long time to understand that God knew the journey I needed to travel before I did. So, I am living my journey and enjoying it instead of anticipating the destination.

Coincidence upon coincidence. One after another. Some obvious, some not so, all strung together like beads on a string – a string of life – beads being the events that brought me to where I am today. And, to understand, it took suffering.

I've often wondered why so many innocent people must suffer. A day doesn't go by that I hear about one tragedy after another: church bombings, school shootings. The list goes on. What tears at my heart the most are the same questions being asked over and over by so many people. There are those that try to convince others that God lets people suffer because He is vengeful and has turned His back on His people. "They" say that if God truly loved us, He wouldn’t let such horrible things happen. Why would God let the innocent suffer?

Paul, one of the great sufferers for Christ, wrote in Philippians 1:29-30 “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.”

The lesson that I needed to learn was that God created human beings with a free will. And, because of that free will, God wasn't going to raise His mighty hand and smote every single person down who did wrong. Not even if I was right there to point every single one of them out to Him.

Pain is one of those emotions that help us focus our attention on God. How many of us have ever cried out, "Oh, God, just make it stop hurting!" I can't remember the number of times I have cried those exact words.

Pain makes us look inside ourselves. Most of the time, whether we want to or not. We've been brought up in a world that uses pain as a punishment. As children, we constantly heard, "Don't do that or I'll spank you." As parents, we used the same techniques to invoke obedience in our children. How many times have we said, "I love you so much it hurts.” Or, how about this, "It pains me to tell you this, but . . ." We use pain all the time to emphasize our actions.

 Learning our lesson the "hard way" is, in my humble opinion, the best way to be taught. I always thought I was a really good student.

 So much for what I thought I knew.

Paul tells us in Philippians 1:12-14 “Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.”

Imprisoned, Paul didn’t become bitter or give up. He used it as an opportunity to spread Christ’s message. Paul realized that his current circumstances weren’t as important as what he did with them. He turned a bad situation into a good one. In prison, he found opportunities to reach out to the Roman soldiers guarding him and encouraged them to believe in Christ. There are so many times when we could be discouraged: indecision, financial burdens, family conflict, church conflict, job loss and more. It’s how we react in those situations that reflect what we believe. You too, can be like Paul: look for ways to demonstrate your faith even in bad situations. Whether or not the situation improves, your faith will grow stronger.

I don't believe that God is "letting" us suffer. I believe that He is acting like a parent, our Heavenly Father, by guiding us and showing us the way, but in the end, letting us make our own decisions. It's called Free Will. And God gave it to all of us.

The most famous sufferer in all of biblical times was Job. 



See Part 2

King David Series: David vs. Goliath

Do you remember the story of David vs. Goliath?

How many of you are old enough to remember the Sunday morning cartoon of Davey and Goliath? It was a claymation cartoon that started in 1960 and ended in 2004.

"In this stop-action animated series, young Davey Hansen and his best friend (and dog) Goliath live ordinary suburban American lives. In each episode, Davey and Goliath experience some form of moral conflict either in themselves or in their friends. Drawing upon the guidance of his parents, his teachers, and his own religious beliefs, Davey doesn't always do the right thing, but he does always come away from the experience having learned valuable moral and life lessons." 

The version in the Bible is not about a boy and his dog.

Even though the prophet, Samuel, had anointed David to become the next king of Israel, he was still too young and had much to learn. God would teach David many lessons before becoming king.

Saul remained king even though he'd been stripped of God's Spirit and Samuel's counsel.

Saul took his army to battle the Philistines. Each army stood on the top of an opposing hill with a valley between them.

Goliath, the champion of the Philistines, taunted Saul's army to send out a man to fight. In ancient times, wars were sometimes decided through champions from each side who met in combat in a location between the armies. It was thought that the outcome of the fight was controlled by the warrior's gods more than by the military strength of the two sides.

Goliath was over nine feet tall, massive, and extremely intimidating. Saul's army reacts with terror and dismay.  No one comes out to meet Goliath's challenge for forty days.

Was it coincidence that David appears on the battlefield to hear Goliath's latest challenge?

No, not at all. Once again, God's plans are set in place.

Jesse, David's father, sends him with food supplies for his brothers fighting in Saul's army. He gives the food supplies to to the keeper of supplies and runs out to the field and greets his brothers. While there, he hears Goliath's shouts.

The men in the army tell David that that Saul promises great wealth to the man who kills Goliath, his daughter, and the victor's family tax exemption.

David is disgusted that no one has defeated this disgrace to Israel who defies their Lord. David's oldest brother, Eliab, is angry that David is on the field and presumptuous enough to speak out. As the oldest of all David's brothers, Eliab was upset that he'd been passed over by Samuel during David's anointing.

Despite Saul's army losing faith in the size of their God and fearing the size of Goliath, David does not. David understands that God is everything -- He is ever-present, ever-powerful, and ever-watchful. He knows his God and knows that nothing is impossible for Him.

David tells the soldiers near his brothers that he can fight. He's overheard, a message is sent to Saul, and Saul sends for David.

"David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of their Philistine; your servant will go and fight him." - 1 Samuel 17:32

"Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth." - 1 Samuel 17:33

David convinces Saul by telling him that he'd been keeping his father's sheep, he'd fought a lion and bear and he'd kill the Philistine who defied the armies of the living God. David convinces king Saul that the Lord has prepared him for this moment. God had tested David's courage, given him the opportunity to use his strength, and taught David to depend on Him in times of trouble.

Saul is convinced. He dresses David in his own tunic, puts a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. However, David can't walk in this gear, so he removes it all, picks up his staff, chooses five smooth stones from the stream and put them in his pouch,  and walks toward the Philistine, Goliath, with his sling in his hand.

Amused, Goliath looks at David, a boy, and "he said to David, Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" - 1 Samuel 17:43

David doesn't see a giant monster who intimidated Israel's army for forty days, he sees only the size of his God. He sees the victory before the battle has ever begun. His words to Goliath are:

"You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and He will give all of you into our hands." - 1 Samuel 17:45-47

This is a lesson we can all learn. Our faith can be strengthened by the power of God's promises. Nothing is hidden from God's sight. He knows not only what is happening today, but what will be tomorrow. We must remember that our God is bigger than any problem, any struggle, and any circumstance. This helps us to face our giants and keep those distorted, dark, discouraging moments in perspective.

The battle was over in seconds. The Philistine, Goliath, moved toward David, intent on attacking him. However, David ran toward the battle line, reached into his pouch, removed a stone, put it in his slingshot and slung the stone toward Goliath hitting him in the forehead.

"So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him." - 1 Samuel 17:50


The Philistine army runs away and the Israelites army wins the day.

David took the dead Philistine's sword, cut off his head and took it to Saul. Saul asks about David's lineage. David tells him he is the son of Jesse of Bethlehem, Saul's servant.

David's battle with Goliath is a portrait of the battle that surrounds us every day. Like this ancient battle, the champions of each side are fighting. The representative of evil verses the representative of the godly. Whatever happens to the champion decides the fate of the people on their side.

The battle is not between us and Satan, it is between Christ and Satan. In the spiritual struggle between good and evil, Jesus has already won the battle. If we align ourselves with Jesus, then His victory is ours.

Next in the King David Series: Saul Fears David.

King David Series: David's Service to Saul

God empowered David's mind and muscles to bring future deliverance for the nation of Israel. When the Spirit of the Lord came upon David, it left Saul.


For David, it was a seal from God, denoting His ownership and a deposit guaranteeing David's inheritance in the heavenly realms.


However, without God's Spirit in Saul, he became depressed, hopeless. These feelings probably were the reason for Saul's fits of rage.


However, it has been suggested that without God's Spirit, it left Saul vulnerable to a demonic influence.

1 Samuel 16:14 "Now the Spirit of the Lord had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord tormented him."

Even though God rejected Saul as king, remember that God wanted Saul to belong to Him. In the midst of heavy darkness flowing from Saul's rebellion, God continued to call Saul to repentance and redemption.

God uses Saul's torment to bring David to the king's court.

1 Samuel 16:15-23 Saul's attendants said to him. "See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you. Let our lord command his servants here to search for someone who can play the harp. He will play when the evil spirit from God comes upon you, and you will feel better." 
So Saul said to his attendants, "Find someone who plays well and bring him to me."
One of the servants answered, "I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the Lord is with him."
Then Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, "Send me your son David, who is with the sheep." So Jesse took a donkey loaded with bread, a skin of wine and a young goat and sent them with his son David to Saul. David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers. Then Saul sent word to Jesse, saying, "Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with him." Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.


Music is powerful. It has the ability to teach the mind, soothe the soul, refocuses the heart, and move the body. Our music on earth is but a reflection of the music that fills heaven. - Casandra Martin - "Echoing His Heartbeat, The Life of David"

Do you use music to help you cope with your varying emotions and moods?

Music also can be an effective coping strategy. We can listen to music that elicits emotions we want to feel in a given moment. If we feel lazy and unmotivated, maybe a playlist of uptempo, energetic songs would be a helpful way to change our mood. It could be interesting to create playlists based on various emotions so they’re within reach as desired. 

In summary, while music can move us in an acute emotional moment, it’s also notable that it can be used to elicit underlying emotions and teach us about unconscious elements of our emotional structure. If we notice a pattern of emotional music that raises questions about current feelings or about who we are, it could be a worthwhile opportunity for self-exploration. - How Music Impacts Our Emotions

1 Peter 2:9 describes the songs that should define us. "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."

The reason we are chosen is so we can exist so people can say, "What a great God!"

By identifying with the powerful impact of David's music, imagine what your life would be like if you used music for its highest purpose - focusing your mind and heart on God.

Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delights in you, He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

This is your challenge. Choose songs about Jesus or listen to music that glorifies God. Work to incorporate praise music in your day-today activities and family time. You may experience resistance. Satan. Satan doesn't want you to use music to focus on God.

Sing songs that declare the wonder and glory of God. What a Great God!!

The King David Series continues. Up Next: David vs. Goliath