Traumatic Events Aside; My Faith Endured - Part 3

What was is it between God and Job? 

God loved Job very much. He was proud of Job for being such a faithful believer. 

How do I explain that I think Job and I were separated at birth by a few thousand years?

Did God stop loving Job? Not in the least. If it were possible, God loved Job even more. and He wanted to prove how much Job loved Him. So, in a way God was showing off.

More to the point, God was showing Job off. 

Just like any parent who was proud of their child's accomplishments. Like any parent who wanted to tell anyone who would listen. You know the kind of parent; they especially want to show off if they think it'll impress the other person.

If you are a parent, you understand this concept very well. What parent could pass up a perfect opportunity to show off how proud they were of their child?

And, just like most children who don't understand what their parents were doing, Job was confused and didn't understand why God would do this to him. He was a good man. Even so, God picked Job to be tested.

"Was it unfair for God to allow Job to suffer over what was basically an argument between God and Satan?"

From Got Answers:  

"A surface reading of the book of Job usually evokes a reaction such as “Why is God making a ‘bet’ with the devil? God is being unfair to Job!” If we are honest and not just trying to defend God, He seems at first like some kind of cosmic ogre. God not only wagered Satan over the outcome of Job’s trials, but He actually provoked the bet (Job 1–2). To make matters worse, Job never finds out why he was afflicted in the first place. This is very disturbing for those who hope to see God as just, gracious and loving and not just “playing” with us as if we were pawns on a chessboard. So, in a way, the story of Job puts God on trial. To really understand what is going on in Job, we need to evaluate how this “trial” is litigated in the book’s argument." 

For further information, please click here.

Job’s friends and wife all told Job to curse God for the calamities that had fallen on him.

“His wife said to him, “are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job 2:9

“He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10

Job trusted in God, he concluded that trouble from God was better than comfort and ease without God. He was confident that God has his best interest at heart, even though he count not understand how that could be true in his present situation.

The Lord Himself said, “I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.” Isaiah 45:7

So where does that leave us in our current time? And, how does this fit in with my thinking Job and I were separated at birth? 


Well, let me tell you that God must be so proud me. That has to be the reason why my life has gone the way it has. Otherwise, what I learned about Job doesn't matter. And I don't believe that. I believe that God loves me and is proud of me.

Challenges and Trials of Suffering are God's way of building our Trust in Him.

I believe that it's absolutely true that bad things happen to good people. I also believe that God never gives you more than He thinks you can handle.

I just never realized I could handle so much in my life at one time. 


I know God has a plan for me. I continue to pray for guidance and direction to follow it, patience to wait for it, and knowledge to know when it comes.

God is working on me. I'm unfinished. As in the song by Mandisa.

God wants His voice to be the only voice I hear. I must listen for Him to speak to me.


God's timing is perfect; never early, never late. I must have patience, I must wait, I must trust.

When God permits suffering, He also provides comfort. I believe in Him, and I have faith that He will be my victory.







He is in control. The adage, "Let Go and Let God" is not something people "parrot" to give you comfort. It's guidance of faith.

"As long as you know that God is for you, it doesn't matter who is against you." -- Romans 8:31







One of my favorite verses is:


"I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." -- Philippians 4:13

I swear to you, don't lose sight of God's guidance. It may be subtle as the soft flutter of a ladybug's wing, or as wild as a massive storm in the middle of the ocean. Regardless, pay attention!

I sure wish I did.

Too bad I wasn't looking when he was showing me. It would have made things so much easier. But, then, this isn't about making things easy, is it?

Was it coincidence that I learned, almost too late, that I should have been focusing on my faith in God to set a path for me to follow?

I don't think so. I think, like Job, I had to experience all that I did to become the person I am now.

I needed to learn patience.

True justice requires patience. A lot of patience.






Do you remember this quote?

"Ours is not to reason why, ours is to do or die." 

It was by Alfred Lord Tennyson.








The same can be applied to Jesus when he said, "You don't understand what I'm doing now, but someday you will" -- John 13:7

Paul tells us in Romans, 

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” -- Romans 12:12

My life-long walk with Christ, as I trusted God and believed in His protective angels, put me through the following major traumatic situations. Through it all, Jesus was my ROCK. :

•   A sexually abusive adopted father from 
childhood to 13 years old – concluding in my first suicide attempt

•   After joining the USMC and transferred to Twenty-Nine Palms Marine Corps Base in California, I was drugged and repeatedly gang-raped by male marines (I refuse to use the capital ‘M’; they don’t deserve it.)

•   Surviving a cross over to death during my third and last childbirth - a son - in which I was on bed rest for the entire pregnancy. My son and I both nearly died. 

•   A car accident, in which I should never have survived - extracted, sent to the ER, with a compound compression fracture of the lower lumbar. Discovering Congenital Spinal Stenosis with no treatment option. Eventually the spinal canal will narrow to the point my spinal cord will be crushed and I will no longer walk.

•   An emotionally, physically abusive first husband whose last actions and words to me before I left, was a violent rape, him placing a loaded .357 handgun on the headboard of our bed and the words “Don’t close your eyes tonight, you might not wake up.”

•   A rear-ending by a Phoenix city bus that sent my three children and me to the hospital. We were crushed between the bus from behind and the car it pushed us into.

•   A hypnotherapist’s sexual abuse under treatment.

•   An unfortunate 2nd marriage, which I regretted as soon as it happened.

•   An emergency hysterectomy to remove a pre-cancerous cervix and uterus.

•   Stalking and threats from 1st husband and the Mexican Mafia - resulting in a judge and sheriff advising me to take my children and pack up, don’t tell anyone when or where, leave no forwarding information and get away in the middle of the night and go somewhere that my ex-husband and his connections to the Mexican Mafia could not find us. They eventually did and took my children away from me for nearly 6 years.

•   A life-changing, move across the country to Florida, discovering my soul’s mate - the water. A parade of unsuitable lovers in a desperate attempt to fill the void in my heart for someone to love. Another suicide attempt, after a particularly close relationship with a man 11 years my junior. 

•   Discovering my other half and the only man I could ever truly love in a twist of circumstances, where neither of us expected it. He helped me discover my real self, build my self-esteem, and grow with an adventurous spirit that rode a Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. He saw who I was way before I ever knew myself! I love him for that.

•    A brush with death again when I discovered a lump in my breast. The surgeon removed it to do a biopsy and only then determined it was benign. A golf-ball size benign tumor.

•   A life-threatening Thyroid Storm, resulting in Grave’s Disease and medically ordered bed rest in which I could no longer return to work.

•   Running my successful Technical Writing Consulting Firm for three years.

•   Another emergency surgery to remove infected ovaries, which threw me into premature menopause.

•   Beginning my successful career as a published author fulfilling a dream I had since high school.

•   Co-founding the Florida Writers Association.

•   Depression. Wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Medication Resistant Depression, Social Anxiety. Generalized Anxiety. OCD. PTSD. BED.

•   Many attempted suicides

•   Many hospitalizations

•   Two long term hospitalizations

•   Many ECT Treatments (one session was the focus of a local ABC news program during Sweeps Week)

•   Years long battle with lawyers to gain PTSD and disability due to being drugged and raped by 2 marines (Eventually, the final decision was MST (Military Sexual Trauma) PTSD with Major Depressive Disorder, 100% disabled and unemployable)

•   Chronic sleep issues (Insomnia & Narcolepsy) From childhood traumas, rapes, abuses, I knew if I closed my eyes at night bad things would happen, so my mind refused to let my body relax enough to sleep. Severe Narcolepsy episodes of Cataplexy, Sleep Paralysis, Hallucinations

•   Most recently diagnosed with SIADH (Syndrome of Inappropriate Antidiuretic Hormone) after over a year of low sodium, hyponatremia, hospitalizations for critically dangerous low sodium, many falls with fractures of hip, elbow, shoulder, etc.

•   Grieving the loss of 25 years of writing after a "perfect storm" of events caused my thumb drive, back up, and back up to the back up, to all be lost at the same time. This gave me an opportunity to have long talks with God about my future, what His plans were, where He wanted me to go, and how. This resulted in studying Christian Counseling and doing pro bono counseling, Find Your Heart's Joy Christian Counseling / Coaching was born.

•   I already have shown some signs of dementia, although nothing to cause concern, but we all know where it's heading.

•   Losing my best friend, soul mate, protector, and Emotional Therapy dog for PTSD & Anxiety after 14 years to cancer. 

See the final in Part 4

Reflections of the Last Year and Preparing for the New Year

It's been one of those years. You know what I mean, where it seems like one thing after another occurs, and you just can't seem to catch your breath between incidents.

Let's recap 2015, physically and mentally. I started out the year with ECT treatments for medication resistant depression and then a psychiatric hospitalization.

Then, I had a series of low back pain injections, due to a continuing low back problem. I had a major fatigue illness that kept me from doing much of anything, including walking my dog for months. I even had a series of IV infusions that were supposed to help me regain my strength. That did help, after awhile.

I knew I couldn't keep up the rate of work I'd been doing before with running several businesses, giving writing workshops, participating on the Board of Directors for Florida Writers Association, blogging, editing and proofreading others work, and freelance writing. Along with taking classes to become certified to teach journal therapy, I was stretched mentally and physically. This could have led to the energy collapse.

So, I chose to concentrate on getting myself well. I resigned from the FWA board of directors, closed my businesses, and stopped freelance writing. I stopped taking journal therapy classes and the weight of it all felt great. I knew my priorities had changed and I now wanted to not only concentrate on getting myself well, but helping others in a more one on one capacity with their writing and with opening up about mental issues. I wanted and did become an advocate for Mental Health.

I even wrote a book titled, "Writing Heals" that gives others an opportunity to discover traumatic issues that had been holding them back, learning to accept them, cope with them, and using writing to overcome them and live a life of joy.

This gave me the strength I needed to schedule my yearly trip to see my kids and grandkids, without fear of flying or travel, or leaving my home. I'd become my own version of my book.

I did have a wonderful time visiting my kids and grandkids in Arizona. My husband even went, giving us some wonderful quality time with everyone.

Then, coming back, I got the news from my Optometrist that I needed immediate Cataract surgery, after a year's determination that my eyes had deteriorated to the point that corrective lenses were no longer available. Going through Cataract surgery for both eyes and then discovering that the healing process brought on Posterior Capsulotomy (a film grew over my new lenses, causing a cloudy view, blurring, halos, etc.) The eye surgeon, Dr. Newsom, said that it sometimes occurs in "younger" patients, when they heal too quickly. So, I then had to have 2 more procedures on my eyes,  to remove that issue.

In the mean time, I was having major GI issues, that ended up with me in the ER, then admitted into the hospital for a series of tests that resulted in a diagnosis of Colitis and Diverticulitis. The Colitis continues to flare up and is not under control yet. While I went through that, I had a black out while walking on the sidewalk behind my husband, that resulted in another trip to the ER to discover that there wasn't anything apparent to cause the blackout but resulted in various bumps, bruises, a chipped tooth, sprained wrist, and broken elbow.

Yay.

And, the year wasn't over yet. I couldn't keep the incidents straight, they were happening so fast. The next thing I know, I'm in the ER again, with muscle spasms in my low back, so severe I couldn't walk, stand, sit, nothing. The pain was so severe, I called my neighbor to take me to the hospital, where after seven hours they sent me home with medication for muscle spasms and pain and an order for a week of bed rest. This meant I was in bed through the week before and during Christmas. I couldn't even decorate for Christmas, which actually ended up as a good thing, which I'll describe below.

Some of the good things that resulted were helping my husband fulfill his life long dream of getting a pilot's license. He'd been a remote control airplane and helicopter enthusiast his entire life. He'd longed to actually fly airplanes, eventually flying helicopters. So, I decided to help my husband by putting all our efforts toward this goal, including giving up a lot of of our free time with him.

One of the best things that happened was in June, when I opened up to my husband, myself, and my doctors about a 50 year old secret that I'd been keeping. I had an eating disorder. A binge eating disorder. I started seeing a new therapist who brought old insecurities and past traumas to light that helped me understand that by keeping the secret I was actually harming myself more. By, facing it, facing old life traumas, and understanding guilt ridden ideologies, I actually found myself letting go of past control issues and taking charge of my life choices, I finally understood that no one had control of my food issues. Only I could make the choices that resulted in a new pattern of lifestyle thoughts and choices that made me feel better about myself and let go of the guilt I had for so long.

I was able to apply my faith and love of God and His word to help me get through. I was able to let go of the obsessive control I had let others have and discover that I could leave the stigma of weight and food to others and not let them affect me.

I now have a more positive attitude toward food, myself, health and now have an even healthier relationship with nutrition and my body.

I now know that weight loss does not equal healthy eating or recovering from Binge Eating Disorder, and being thin does not equal happiness or health.

I am taking it one day at a time.

Best of all, I've learned better coping skills for Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. Skills that don't require psychotropic medications. My psychiatrist was in full support and helped me drop one medication after another.

Because of this, I've found that after eighteen years in the same house, where at one time I was so agoraphobic I couldn't leave my own home, I'm ready to move onto a new path in my life. A life that surrounds my husband's desire to fly and live in a community further away from the city and has its own airport. So, we are. We are moving to a community with its own airport and each house has its own hanger for an airplane.

I'm not even freaking out about it. I think the move will be a wonderful way to start 2016.

Although, when my husband and I thought about moving from our current home, we thought we'd be downsizing and thinning out our possessions. This new home is bigger than the one we have, it's on more land, and if you add the hanger space, three car garage space, and home space, it's more than three times of living space than we have now.

So, that's been my life this past year. Good and bad. Each event led me to a revelation about myself and my life's priorities.

And, my first commitment to myself is to give myself permission to change the direction of the memoir I'd struggled to write for the past year or so, and write with a passion for helping others. That makes me very happy.

I'm also going to make a commitment to increase my physical activity, as the community we are moving to gives Jack (my American Eskimo dog) and me more areas to walk, without getting near a major road.

I'll continue my therapy work on Binge Eating Disorder, reinforcing new techniques to help me be more mindful of my eating habits and choices.

And, I'll work with other writers, giving them of my time and knowledge, to help them become the best writer they can be and help them achieve their writing goals.

I have a wedding to look forward to, as my son is getting married to the love of his life and that could mean more grandchildren on the horizon. (yay!)

Finally, I'll continue my work learning as much as I can about the Bible and Christian History so that I can not only answer my questions, but give me a further perspective about my relationship with God.

The best thing is, with my progress with Bipolar Disorder and other mental issues, I am going to help as a Mental Health Advocate by reducing stigma and increasing knowledge for those who want to learn.

That's it. That's been my 2015 life, and my feelings about my future for 2016. Am I going to make a resolution? Doubtful. I don't think they are necessary and I'd rather work on improving myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and personally with positive affirmations, thoughts, and actions.

I hope that you had an enlightened 2015 and that you can look forward to 2016 without making unnecessary or unachievable resolutions.

Be kind to yourself and to others. Follow Jesus' commandments to love God and one another.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. -- Philippians 4:8

Turn your thoughts to positive things, as urged by Paul. Make a conscious effort to think gentler, more noble thoughts. Replace all of your bad thoughts with kinder, love-filled thoughts, reducing stress and increasing your peace. Before long, you'll re-train your brain to naturally turn to truth, purity and excellence.

Happy New Year!

Vicki

P.S. I hope you are enjoying my series on Mental Health. If you have any suggestions for a topic, please let me know.

What's in a Name?

We all are given a name at birth. It sticks with us for the rest of our lives. Some change their names through their own volition or marriage. Some get nicknames tagged by others. Some get pet names by their spouses or lovers. 

There is One who goes by many names that has great power and compassion for mankind.  His name brings forth an awesome revelation that something more important exists in this world.

God created everything that exists. In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

The One who redeemed us by His precious blood, our Savior, was the Creator of this universe.

God is the great I AM! But, He also goes by many other names. Throughout the Bible and history, He has been called many names. Some you many know, some may be new to you. 

Other names for Creator:

God

Maker

Source

Divine Being

Supreme Being

Father

Almighty

Holiness

Jehovah

Lord

Master

Holy Spirit

All Powerful

All Knowing

King of Kings

Higher Power

Heavenly Father

Rock

Names of Jesus in Book of Revelations:

The First-born from the dead

The highest of earthly kings

The Alpha and Omega

Lord God

The Almighty

Son of Man

The First and the Last

The Living One

Son of God

Witness (also faithful witness)

Creator

Lion of the Tribe of Judah

Root of David

The Lamb

The Shepherd

Christ (anointed)

Faithful and True

Word of God

King of Kings

Lord of Lord

Whatever word you use when you call upon the name of God, remember to call in reverence and in love for the word that expresses the essence of our Creator in His most intimate relationship with you is LOVE, for God is love.

One thing you cannot deny is that there is power in His name.

Compassion

Compassion

More than an Emotion

Love in Action

Abounding Love and Faithfulness

Trust

Open Arms

Loving Words

Understanding

Tender Touch

Helping Hand

Only One Way …. Look UP!!

He will not Abandon You

Save Your Soul

Shout For Joy!

Tender and Compassionate Hearts

Work together with One Mind and One Purpose

Reflection of God’s Love

by God’s Child

"Are your hears tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one and purpose." -- Philippians 2:1-2

Image provided by Prayers for Special Help