Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Laws of Ultimate Reality. Really! It happens every time!

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

& Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

& Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

-- author unknown

How many of these have you experienced? I hate it when I find a product I like and then the manufacturer stops making it. That just makes me want to scream!

How many times have you tried to prove to someone that something didn't work and the darn thing worked every time? Hands up! Me too!! That gets me so frustrated I just want to punch the stupid thing.

Which ones do you identify with?

16 comments:

Heidi Caswell said...

Too cute!

I've driven 100 miles to another town and those I want to get in touch with, I can't reach. But those back home are calling. I get back home and those from that far away town will call.

Not as funny, but it truly happens.

Kathie said...

I can relate to these, it is funny how that works. Sometimes known as 'Murphy's Law' as well for some of those things :-)

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Heidi, it is funny in a way. :-) I believe it happens!!

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Kathie, Murphy's Law is alive and well in our lives, isn't it?

Melodieann said...

OMG! I can relate to almost all of these. I swear every time I find a product I absolutely love, they take it off the market. And this is the double whammy - everytime I drop my pen, it rolls way back under my desk. And I swear everytime I'm under my desk looking for it with by behind stuck up in the air, someone will walk into my office. Murphy's Law is alive and well and reigns supreme at my house!

feistysideoffifty said...

I LOVE these and am still chuckling over the many wise truths. For me, the law of encounter inevitably takes place when have I run out to the store--no make up and in my gardening clothes-- I ALWAYS see someone I know!

Beverly Mahone said...

I told the "flat tire" lie a few times. I never had a flat tire the next day. I just ended up having to stay LATER at work. To me, that's worse! :)

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Melodieann, what a visual you just gave me with your behind stuck in the air with you under a desk. Heehee.

I know what you mean. Getting caught in an embarrassing situation / position always happens when I meet someone new. Like with my mouth stuffed with food!

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Fiesty, ain't that the truth. When I'm dressed in my grubbies, I end up meeting someone important. Never fails!

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Oh, Beverly, Murphy gets you, one way or another!

PopArtDiva said...

I was always getting my favorite lipstick taken off the shelves!!!

For me the Law of Gravity is this: You will always drop everything you attempt to handle when your back has gone out! (I have, therefore, trained Pixel to pick up the things I drop and bring them to me for a cookie!)

PopArtDiva

Pam Archer said...

I identify with the law of close encounters. It never fails, if I think I can run to the store looking like a slob, I will run into people I haven't seen in years.

I will add to the list...as soon as your butt hits the toilet seat, the phone or doorbell will ring.

Dr. Sally Witt said...

Will blogger let me leave a comment?
If so, Vicki - wonderful, creative, and brilliant!!

Sally

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Popart, what a good solution!!

Hmmm.. I wonder if I can train Jack?

I've already trained him to bring in the newspaper for me. Should be an easy transition to picking up things I drop. The trick is to getting him to giving them back. :-)

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Oh Pam, I've found the solution to that problem. I bring the phone with me.

Then it's guaranteed NOT to ring!!!!

Vicki M. Taylor said...

Thanks, Sally, I appreciate your comments. These are from an anonymous donor. I can't take all the credit.