Did you ever lose something so precious that your heart ached as if it were broken into tiny pieces?
What if that "something" was "someone"?
I consider myself fairly smart and I knew I was grieving so I did some research on the five stages of grieving; or the grieving process. Did you know that the loss of anything that matters to us can trigger the grieving process?
A pet. Our health. A treasured heirloom or special item. A loved one.
Must a loved one die for us to grieve? I say no. Absolutely not. We can grieve for the loss they leave in our lives and our hearts when they move away. Even when that move is supposed to be temporary. The grief still breaks through and settles around my shoulders like a heavy sweater on a hot day.
I'm in the grieving process. My daughter, son-in-law, and precious granddaughter have moved out of state on a temporary basis. They'll stay with my daughter's father until they can get back on their feet and move back. That's what I have to keep telling myself. It's only temporary and they'll be back home.
I believe I'm still in Stage 1 of the grieving process. Denial and Isolation. I've tried to just pretend that they really haven't gone, that they're still living here. I've definitely withdrawn from my normal social activities, online and offline and have just hidden myself away from the world. I haven't felt like doing much of anything.
Then, there's Stage 2, Anger. The experts say the grieving person may become furious at the person who inflicted the hurt or at the world for letting it happen. I may even become angry at myself for even letting it take place even if there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Now, there's a stumper for you. Was there anything I could do? They couldn't pay their mortgage so their house was being sold. Could we pay their mortgage for them? Not possible. We've done it before, but we couldn't do it on a regular basis. Not for the next six months while my son-in-law healed from brain surgery then went back to work. Would they have been able to move in with us? Again, no. We just don't have the room. We have no empty rooms available. Fortunately, my ex-husband and his wife had two rooms. But they were across the country.
On to Stage 3, Bargaining, making bargains with God by asking "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Then, there's Stage 4, Depression. I know what depression feels like. I've lived with nearly all my life. Will this situation slide me into a depressive cycle? That's what my Support Team is for, to help me through it and to keep me from it. I've already talked to my therapist about it and next week I talk to my psychiatrist and physician about it. They'll all be ready to handle any crisis that may occur, if it does.
Finally, Stage 5, Acceptance. This is where I will have finally accepted the reality of my loss and the anger, sadness, and mourning will have gone away.
A person can go through the five stages in a few moments a few hours or even longer. Sometimes it can take years to finish the five stages, if a person finishes them at all. It depends on the person.
I know I'll get through this. My daughter has a goal to come back to Florida, and I believe in that goal. That's what keeps me going every day. That's what helps me with my grieving process.
I want to thank all of my friends and family who have helped me through this entire process before and after my daughter and son-in-law moved. During my son-in-law's surgery, my daughter's crisis, and the rest of their downward spiraling issues. I'll never forget your open hearts and I will always treasure your prayers and good wishes. You've shown me true friendship and support and for that I'll always be humbled by your generosity.
My children have a goal. And, I have a goal too. I'm going to fly out and see them in October. And, I'll keep going to see them, until they come home to stay.